three years in, the story of Girl Tracy

the costs, the stats, the future, the fear.

all of the dates from Girl Tracy are showing up in my calendar as reminders. Tracy’s meeting Diane at Rosado House. Gemini’s appointments. the ‘special’ guest.

it’s weird.

back when i was working on the book, i thought 2023 was far enough in the future that legal sex work would be a thing… at the time, it seemed… i thought… like… weren’t we heading to a world where that was possible?

i thought.

this month marks the three year anniversary of the release of GT.

it’s been two years of barely acknowledging my first published book. here’s why.

open: “feel the fear and do it anyway”

i was afraid to write this book. afraid to put it out. it was a wealth of opportunity for my mind to come up with newly vivid unwanted thoughts.

people i know reading those sex scenes.

potential employers readings Gemini’s dialogue in Tracy’s head.

actual sex workers criticizing Tracy’s privilege. my privilege.

i felt the fear and wrote anyway, released anyway, shared anyway. all while ‘feeling the fear’.

does it go without saying that the fear you feel might change methods and forms? what if the fear you feel is a chameleon?

i think all that needs to be part of the saying: feel the fear in all its creative, nuanced ways and do it anyway.

lights on: k*ll your darlings, don’t abandon your babies

last week my coach called me out. to her, it seemed like i was pretending Girl Tracy doesn’t exist, and i was. i could admit it.